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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

THE DAY THAT DETERMINED THE REST OF MY LIFE...or at least the next chapter

Last week I was given 4 days off to go home to Gainesville to take my NCLEX (nursing boards). I was sooo excited to go home and get a break from camp life. It wasn't, however, anything like I was hoping it would be. I was stressed out to the max, thinking that I'd have to cram tons of crap into my brain the 48 hours I had before my test. As much as I wanted the 4 days to be filled with visiting friends and hanging out with family, my free time was very limited. I have never been more scared for anything in my life. Never felt more unprepared and unsure of myself and all of my abilities and knowledge! When I went into the testing center at 7:30 Friday morning the nerves and anxiety that had been wrecking my entire insides for the weeks before had some how subsided. I felt calm and ready to face this thing head on! Unlike most of my friends who got done with the test with 75(the minimum) questions in only an hour, I took my time and was stuck with 211 questions (265 is the max) and took a total of 4 hours and 12 minutes. Before submitting each answer after I reached the 75th question (it's a computerized test) I prayed that the test would shut off and it would be over. Friday night my mom made my favorite dinner to help calm me down. I went to go hang out with a few of my friends to debreif from the horrifying feeling of failure. Two of my friends I was hanging out with had already taken the boards and knew exactly how I was feeling. The worse was the people asking how it went. Honestly, if you dont walk out of that test feeling like a failure something is wrong! I had to come back to camp Saturay after I took the test not knowing still if I passed or failed. Sunday afternoon the anxiety crept back into me and made it hard to do my job here at camp. The thoughts of having to face that test again and telling people I didn't pass were taunting me. I made my friend Kim check the website to find out my results for me. She looked it up and called me right away. She called me 2 or 3 times in a row but I refused to answer! The fear took over! She texted me "ANSWER YOUR DANG PHONE!" She called one more time and I still couldn't answer. I knew it had to be the worser of the two results! She texted me that I PASSED and I couldn't believe it! I called her and then had to check for myself. It's funny because I've actually check the site multiple times since then to make sure it wasn't a computer glitch or all a dream. I'm so thankful the Lord was with me on that day of the test. The peace he surrounded me with as I was testing had to be only from Him. To top it all off. As I was leaving the testing center I found on the ground a small 1 inch figure of Jesus in a red robe with his hands raised in the air in praise (it could be a pencil topper)!! I put him in my pocket and wanted him to be present with me for the rest of the day! After this really long post.. The point to the story is this.. I'M A REAL LIFE REGISTERED NURSE.. BIATCH!

2 comments:

A said...

Congrats Kathy!!! I'm so happy for you :o)

brittany said...

NURSE KATHY!