Ready or not, here I go!

Not too much to write about these days. My orientation time is coming to an end this Friday. Next week I start working on my own which is a bit nerve racking for me and my patients! It's a going to be a LOT to adjust to next week; new shift (I'll be starting to work night shift 7p-7a), new patient population, all new nurses(new grads, not just new nurses to get used to),and new management to work under. Luckily the floor won't be changing any. The last month of orientation has been good at trying to get used to where things are but I still have to ask tons of questions. Oh, so I don't cry as much as I used to. When I first started out working, I would cry at work, leaving work and thinking about work. I'm still very unsure of myself and decision to be a nurse a LOT of the times, but my confidence level is somewhat on the rise again. I did however get "fired" by a patient on Saturday. She was absolutely ridiculous! Nothing I could do or say could have changed this crazy woman's attitude or ability to not be a complete tool! When she fired me and told me to get out of her room, I set down the stuff I had in my hands, and walked out with a smile and didn't go back in her room for the rest of the shift. Don't worry, she got taken care of, just not by me. It's nuts how much crap nurses get from people. Nurses go into work daily to help people cope, mourn, heal and return to their normal lives. Nurse burn out doesn't come only from the hard long hours and work loads, but rather the difficult patients that make doing our jobs 10x harder than they should be. HA! Sorry I just needed to vent for a minute! I have noticed the last couple weeks, I absolutely LOVE burn nursing. It fascinates me! Who would have thunk it?

Mr Sun, Sun, Mr Golden Sun, please shine down on me!

You would think someone who lives in Florida would not have a problem getting enough sun. There are so many reasons why God created the sun and here are a few reasons why I've grown to appreciate it a lot more lately:

1. The obvious reason-it gives off light. I have typically been a night person almost all my life, but with my crazy new work schedule with long shifts that start before sunrise and end at sunset, I have really been enjoying the daylight when I can get it.

2. The other obvious reason-it gives of heat. I've been looking forward to cooler weather for quite some time now and we have finally gotten a cool (not cold) front come through Gainesville. I love this time of year when I can turn of the AC and open all the windows. It has been down in the 40's and 50's and it is GLORIOUS! Occasionally the wind will get a little gusty and send chills down my spine. So I, like many others, appreciate when the sun is not hiding behind the clouds.

3. The good UVB rays. My new work schedule might be more demanding than I had anticipated, but lately I have been more fatigued than the norm. There have been many moments in which I will just be sitting, standing or talking and can't seem to stay awake. It's like my body slips into this weird comatose state where shaking me violently (what my roommate has had to do) is the only way to keep me awake. Science lesson! UVB rays are soo important because they help your body produce Vitamin D because it can not make it alone. I haven't been getting my minimum of 15 min of sun exposure a day I suppose thus creating my fatigue.

Outside of all of that, work is good. My social life has been booming the past few weeks. Most people think I'm just busy with work, but I've just been plain busy. My roommate is great at keeping entertained. We spent last weekend in New Orleans/Baton Rouge for the LSU game and some fun. This weekend was homecoming and Lyndsey had an extra ticket to Gator Growl so I attended that with her on Friday night with her family, and went to the game against Arkansas with her on Saturday (most intense game I've been at in a while). After the game we hung out with a bunch of her engineering friends. That's when my hand got shut in the door of a Ford Explorer. When I say shut, I mean the door was latched for a good 20 seconds before someone got the message to open it. It could be broken. If it's still throbbing tomorrow after work I might go down to the ER and get it x-rayed. Never a dull moment around this one.

Nervous Newbie

This blog post is simply for my own attempts to self sooth, not necessarily a way of informing those who don't see me often about what goes on in my life these days. Since the very beginning of it all, back when I was a kid and I knew that my calling was to be a nurse. School was hard to get through. Passing my boards was another scary and difficult milestone. Finding a job proved to be troublesome. Finally, here I am again, facing probably the most scary of challenges thus far. Sure, I have a license that I've worked so hard to earn and I don't want to lose it, but it's sooo much more than that. Today was day 5 for me on the Burn Intensive Care Unit (BICU) working as a newbie nurse. You would have thought that day 1 would have been the most horrifying and intimidating day and it would only get better from there. In all actuality, day 2 was harder than day 1, day 3 harder than 2 and so on. Why is this so, you ask? Well, because I am given more and more responsibility as my preceptor backs off more and more. I am expected to know more each day. So many times in the day I ask have conversations in my head that go a little like this, "Have I learned this yet and just forgotten?" or "Ok, Lacey told you this, this and this, wait, what was the first thing again?" It's completely normal to experience nerves as a new nurse. In fact, it is EXPECTED!!! Without some level of anxiety, one must have stopped caring about their job, and mostly the lives of their patients. I have heard that a lot from friends, teachers and Lacey.

Wednesday of last week I was so tired from a combination of never getting sleep and working three 12 hour shifts in a row. I was sitting at the desk with Lacey and Angela the clerk and all of a sudden just started to swell up, get puffy, turn splotchy, and you guessed it...... started crying, well almost. Lacey looked at me and asked in an attentive and caring voice "Are you crying?" Trying my hardest to hold it in, my response was "NO..maybe..I'm not sure." Lacey tried to get me to go take a break in the back and asked if she was pushing me too hard. I eventually sucked it up, told her that if she stopped looking at me with such a concerned look and pretended I was ok than maybe it would go away. It worked for about, eh, a couple hours or so. My anxiety hasn't been this uncontrollable in 2 years. Waking up for work in 5 and a half hours sounds miserable, so I'm going to try to sleep to avoid another breakdown at work. More on this topic later.